December 14th a year ago Chita rang me while I was out on the Derwent river taking 6 students through a motor boat licence. He had accidentally told the Department of Immigration that we were getting married in December. I got back to shore, googled marriage celebrants and got someone to marry us. This year has gone so fast. Its been a roller coaster ride.
Chita and I are two single people, different gender and culture who have spent their first year together. Aprilthis year, I gathered up heaps of paperwork to satisfy the immigration case manager and a month later Chita received temporary residency which comes up in April 2011- and THEN he can become a permanent resident of Australia. I have never been much of a number and date girl, but a calendar is now a vital part of my life.
On December 18 last year Chita arrived on a plane from Nadi, with a backpack, looking thin, and goosebumps on his arms, to meet me. A year later he has completed a Certificate III in Aged Care, has been contracted as a teacher aide at a high school here in Hobart and does casual shifts in Aged Care. He now has a wardrobe of his own, full of stuff he buys from the salvos, or has been given by friends and family. He also has a basket of shoes, size 12.
He has his Learner's permit and will chalk up the required 50 hours in January to apply for an automatic licence.We are also looking at buying a more recent model automatic car and will be doing our research in the holidays. I can't wait for him to take over more of the driving. I have felt like a parent, having to drop him off places and then hang around sometimes to pick him up.
The challenge for any Australian woman who brings an Indigenous Fijian to Australia is suddenly realising that I am responsible for another person who does not have a clue about MY life.I have to manage two lives not one.
The benefits are having someone to share the journey. Someone who has a beaming smile and is very cheeky and makes me laugh a lot. Someone who can do the hard physical stuff, that I struggle with. Someone to talk to on a long car ride to Launceston. Someone who sings to me daily. Someone who gives me a hug daily - yes he does....
The hard stuff for me is....
I have all the financial responsibility. He thought my family would buy a house for us and that I would buy him a car.... He is learning the word 'budget' and has his own savings account. The day after he opened it, he raced back to the bank to check it was all still in there....
He worked and saved for a boys weekend in Adelaide to see the Fiji Sevens and the Tassie Fijians were in the background most days of the tv viewing. He has been to Melbourne twice, and Sydney for Fiji Day in October. The Tubunas get around...
I have had to support this man that I love totally to come to terms with a completely different culture. Everything I think about is for us both and that's been a big adjustment for both of us. Dreams of Sicily in September have been blown out the window as we discuss strategies to make our lives together better.
I have had to develop communication strategies to bridge the male-female divide with someone who comes from a male dominated culture. I have been a strong and independent woman for a long time now, and it has been tough at times.
I have had to support someone who has had continual bouts of homesickness and spent the first 8 months asking 'When am I going back to Fiji?".
Turning the 'I' into a 'we' is a perpetual journey.
You can take the Fijian out of the village, but the village is still in his head. I have had some major issues to deal with and we are slowly working on them.
Being a couple, is an expected part of our culture. Chita initially thought he could just keep doing what he was doing in Fiji and I would do whatever I was doing (he had no idea) and everything would be hunkydory. Not so.
One of the funny moments this year is asking him to wear a suit to a black tie function a couple of weeks a go. His instant response ' I will dress the way I want to". I tried to carefully explain that formal means formal so his agreed concession was to wear a sulu. My sister in law had offered a suit. We had one night to go around and try it on; he refused. Three days later as I am throwing our stuff into the car to drive 2.5 hours to the party. His response was:
Its cold. I think I need to wear my grey jacket and pants.
Its formal remember. Too late. We have no suit. Wear your sulu.
We drive to our destination and I ring a friend who we were going to stay with the following evening. I have learnt that if I try and convince him to do things, I am bossy, and his 'mother' and he digs his heels in and shuts down. Its much easier to hand ball to someone else who he knows and doesn't react to. My friend Mary found a suit, a pale blue shirt, a pale blue, brown and black bowtie and walked him through it.
As he walks to the car, he tells me this is the first and last time he will wear a suit. I smile.
At the party everyone tells him how handsome he looks; Chita beams. At the end of the evening I walk up to him and ask:
How was the party for you?
Easy! Piece of Cake!
One of our big discussions has been about weekends. Chita has become number 7 in the Fijian community and the guys have welcomed him with open arms. We are suddenly a part of a Fijian Australian wedding, the funeral of a Fijian Minister which lasted TWO WEEKS, and kava nights whenever the boys feel like it.It came to a head when I realised he was having a great time and I was staying home alone.... we now talk about balance, between his friends, my friends, time alone and quality time together.
Quality time together is my biggest challenge. Chita runs his social life as it was in the village. My idea of romantic dinners, walks along the beach, going to the movies, and visiting friends for a gourmet weekend retreat- do not exist. He is still in his comfort zone, which I drag him out of occasionally and immersion in Australian culture is still really limited.
We have played mixed volleyballs on a Wednesday nights with friends which has been fun for me, but an adjustment for him as he is a competitive Fijian and the hit and giggle concept is not for him.
He is still uncomfortable in cafes,bars and restaurants. Tasmania is a white Anglo culture, despite a few Sudanese so he feels self conscious. The kids at school thought he was a black American initially, then started calling him 'Puma" instead of Chita (Jita. He can't fade into the background here, but has had to step up and be forthcoming - its taken a year but he is doing extremely well.
I have booked a beach shack for four days in January and we are going to go there alone.... let's see how long that lasts!
We are both community minded and like helping people but I keep reminding him that it shouldn't be not at the cost of our developing relationship. Chita has not had a 'stop' or say 'no button'. We have a 1964 weatherboard with a neglected garden, a veggie patch to dig, a compost heap to set up, a worm farm to get going, and some leaks to plug up. A renovation plan is in our minds but will take years to activate.
We are hosting our first Christmas for my family- 24 in all if everyone turns up. It will be fun watching him run around, play with the kids, serve drinks, wheel my father to the table in his wheel chair, eating Christmas pudding for the second time, glazing the ham stuffing the turkey and enjoying it all.
He spent the weekend with a chain saw chopping down small trees in our garden and cutting down a small pine tree on our boundary line. He brought it inside, filled an old green tin with earth and put it in a corner for me; he trimmed the branches so we could fit the star on top, and watered the garden while I hung up the decorations. He loved it.
Its fun sharing my family celebrations with him and my idea of entertaining with him too.
On Saturday afternoon I invited a few galpals around for a Christmas drink. I decorated the table, threw together a couple of canapes, and sweet treats, and he ended up saying. 'I can't find anyone free this afternoon can I hang around?'
Sure. He served drinks, welcomed everyone with a Merry Christmas and then disappeared into the garage.
His comment- I haven't seen girls do that before...now I get it.
We have had some big fights, arguments and discussions on what a Fijian Australian relationship should look like. Being accountable, avoidance and shut down are not working for him so having to be straight with me is still a challenge. He speaks Fijian daily to the myriad of Fijians in Tasmania, Australia and Fiji that he knows. He has just discovered that seven of his high school mates have migrated to Oz and live in Brisbane. He is ecstatic to be back in contact. He has daily phone calls from the Fiji 8 ( yes another guy has arrived) and a myriad of texts with a constant stream of jokes.... He now turns off his mobile at meal times, and chooses to answer the phone when he is ready, instead of jumping up and running for the phone whenever it rings... the novelty is wearing out. His phone credit never lasts, and he blew most of mine on the weekend.
Its Christmas! We have sent money to his mum and money to his daughter.... so December is covered. If you need to send money overseas Moneygram is the way to go. A flat fee of $12 is charged for up to $2000 Fijian. We never send that much, but it has irked me greatly that Western Union charges $35 and gives a poor exchange rate.
I can't wait for the holidays to potter with my husband in our garden, do a bit of maintenance, and hang. Not having a schedule, not having to get up early, not having to go to meetings, will be fun. We have a barbecue so meals are sorted.
New Year's Eve 2009 is our first year anniversary. We will start with a Fijian lovo and party but will hopefully end up alone...
Monday, December 14, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
A home at last!
Since Chita arrived in December I have been wondering how we could buy a house. We have no money, but there must be a way. How can I take advantage of the First Home Owners Grant? It kept bubbling beneath the surface of my thoughts and after we organised the Spouse visa interview, only to find we had to pay a bridging fee of $600 instead of $2,400 things started looking up.
A couple of months ago I was in my office doing a quick flick through real estate and saw a house that could do. I had figured out that we didn't have much to spend in Hobart and I wanted to try and find a renovator's delight which wasn't awful around $240,000.
We had started spending weekends looking at houses in Mornington, Moonah, Warrane, Glenorchy and Seven Mile Beach - a pipe dream as Chita has a learner's licence but needs 50 hours before he can get his P plates..... what to do.
I submitted an email to have a look at the property and got a reply on Wednesday - what time? I drove up Barossa Road, looking for the number, and discovered an acqua blue weatherboard - beach shackesque and thought, this doesn't feel like the city. It borders on a reserve - Chita can run up the fire trails. It has a semi rural aspect in the next block of houses - its only ten minutes from North Hobart - this could be it. Offers over $230,000. Okay.
I went for a walk through the house - the three bedrooms are a good size, the living area is L shaped with floor boards and there was plenty of backyard for my boy - who is itching to set up a veggie garden.
I came home raving about it, and convinced Chita to go and have a look with his mate Sam. Yep, they liked it too. Then fate played its hand. The tenants were expecting a baby and a building clause had been put in place that no one could visit the property once the baby was born. The baby arrived, and we were the only offer on the house. The real estate agent convinced the owner to sell. I upped the offer to what she wanted and the house was ours.
Getting the bank loan proved to be one of the biggest challenges of my life. I applied to one finance broker who kept me waiting three weeks and I finally realised that he was a bullshit artist and hadn't done anything on our behalf. I changed brokers and got approval in two days. Going to the banks was a nightmare as I did not have three months of salary savings - 4 years of constantly flying back to Fiji and saving for it, as well as supporting a business counted for nothing. I had to find a Building Society which would lend us the dough. We went for My State as they were based in Hobart but B & E were another option we didn't take up, as they are in Launceston and we didn't have enough time. Luckily I have a permanent position with the Department of Education which helped. Waiting for the finance was the worst bit. You feel as if you are not worthy. They keep ringing and asking for more documentation but in the end we got it...
My sister had a look on the internet and called it the Blue Moo, so that's our house for now.
Pikcing up the keys to the house a couple of weeks a go was also a bit of an anxious moment as the solicitors had settled at 12 but the papework had not been handed over to the real estate agent- there was a ten minute wait to see if they were going to give me the keys or not. They did.
Walking through the house that first evening, I realised all the things I had not paid attention to - the dilapidated paint work, the curtains, the fluorescent lights, but none of it mattered. The house is ours.
We spent a weekend painting and then moved in last weekend. A fresh coat of paint has made all the difference. However there are a few touchups to be done, and paint splats on floors to scrape off, but it feels clean.
There had been five cats in the bedroom but I slept like an angel.
A couple of months ago I was in my office doing a quick flick through real estate and saw a house that could do. I had figured out that we didn't have much to spend in Hobart and I wanted to try and find a renovator's delight which wasn't awful around $240,000.
We had started spending weekends looking at houses in Mornington, Moonah, Warrane, Glenorchy and Seven Mile Beach - a pipe dream as Chita has a learner's licence but needs 50 hours before he can get his P plates..... what to do.
I submitted an email to have a look at the property and got a reply on Wednesday - what time? I drove up Barossa Road, looking for the number, and discovered an acqua blue weatherboard - beach shackesque and thought, this doesn't feel like the city. It borders on a reserve - Chita can run up the fire trails. It has a semi rural aspect in the next block of houses - its only ten minutes from North Hobart - this could be it. Offers over $230,000. Okay.
I went for a walk through the house - the three bedrooms are a good size, the living area is L shaped with floor boards and there was plenty of backyard for my boy - who is itching to set up a veggie garden.
I came home raving about it, and convinced Chita to go and have a look with his mate Sam. Yep, they liked it too. Then fate played its hand. The tenants were expecting a baby and a building clause had been put in place that no one could visit the property once the baby was born. The baby arrived, and we were the only offer on the house. The real estate agent convinced the owner to sell. I upped the offer to what she wanted and the house was ours.
Getting the bank loan proved to be one of the biggest challenges of my life. I applied to one finance broker who kept me waiting three weeks and I finally realised that he was a bullshit artist and hadn't done anything on our behalf. I changed brokers and got approval in two days. Going to the banks was a nightmare as I did not have three months of salary savings - 4 years of constantly flying back to Fiji and saving for it, as well as supporting a business counted for nothing. I had to find a Building Society which would lend us the dough. We went for My State as they were based in Hobart but B & E were another option we didn't take up, as they are in Launceston and we didn't have enough time. Luckily I have a permanent position with the Department of Education which helped. Waiting for the finance was the worst bit. You feel as if you are not worthy. They keep ringing and asking for more documentation but in the end we got it...
My sister had a look on the internet and called it the Blue Moo, so that's our house for now.
Pikcing up the keys to the house a couple of weeks a go was also a bit of an anxious moment as the solicitors had settled at 12 but the papework had not been handed over to the real estate agent- there was a ten minute wait to see if they were going to give me the keys or not. They did.
Walking through the house that first evening, I realised all the things I had not paid attention to - the dilapidated paint work, the curtains, the fluorescent lights, but none of it mattered. The house is ours.
We spent a weekend painting and then moved in last weekend. A fresh coat of paint has made all the difference. However there are a few touchups to be done, and paint splats on floors to scrape off, but it feels clean.
There had been five cats in the bedroom but I slept like an angel.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Yippee!
I am back at last. I have been working on intercultural and interpersonal relationships between a Fijian and an Australian for the last three months. Its been a busy time for us, with a wonderful summer, me getting back into the swing of work and Chita trying to get work.
He started out well with two days a week at a gourmet butchery here in Hobart. He learnt how to use a computerised slicer and package the best bacon in Tassie for customers all over Australia. However with the economic downturn they no longer needed a casual.
I drove past a Turkish restaurant one Sunday night and he successfully applied for some waitering work and now serves Turkish food to eager customers. He had three shifts a week but that has dropped to one and now we are busy finding courses in care either aged care or students with disabilities for Chita to pursue.
Money has always been tight for us, so nothing has changed there. We are both catering for a private party on Saturday night. Chita is in charge of lugging stuff and setting up and I am cooking and serving food while he manages the bar. What a team!
We have come to an agreement that I cannot presume he knows what to do in all situations so I can tell him or show him what to do. That works in theory but telling a male what to do is rarely successful. I have to find a lighthearted and cheey voice to get my point across as my serious voice offends.
Some funny moments have been:
Me trying to keep the petrol cap open so we can get petrol into our car only to find he has taken hold of the wrong pump and I was trying to put diesel in - luckily it all dripped down the side of the car.
We were housesitting my brother's house and I came back from work to find the cat growling and howling. I looked in Spike's food bowl and found it filled on one side with kitty litter and the other side with dog food. He had read the note saying there is kitty litter under the sink and please fill the container. He just got the wrong container.
I am working full time, so when I come home he is there all happy and smiley waiting for me, and I am ready to space out for twenty minutes and recoup my happy smiley self. I give him a kiss and a hug first and then regroup and we cook dinner together.
We are a team in the house - I cook and he washes up which is great.
We have met the Fijian community in Hobart and he is number seven male. We have been invited over by all members and two of them Pita and Sam have become great mates with Chita and keep him busy. Pita has a tea with him every morning before work,and he usually drops in for a chat in the afternoon before heading home. Sam picks Chita up and they go and weed his vegetable garden, go for a drive, or go op shopping. Chita came home with a $3 bag of goodies last week including a fab jacket that just happened to be made in Fiji, jeans and great shirts. The boys were very pleased with themselves.
Last Sunday we took a long drive out into the country to a friend of our's rural retreat- a cottage at Deddington. The day was grey and gloomy with some rain, but once we hit the gravel and dirt road, the sun peeked through. We were welcomed by Suzanne with a wave from outside the front garden. We drove down the long drive and parked under an enormous tree. The day was idyllic. We helped set the table up on two picnic tables out in the nextdoor field. We had cows grazing in front of us, and Ramsay the ram loitering and sniffing us nearby. We sat down to marinated quail with a red wine fig and olive sauce, followed by a pear and treacle upside down cake which was delicious. Chita disappeared to sleep on the nearby river bank with the cows munching and crunching in his ear. The rest of us found places to crash for a siesta. I had my feet massaged by Chris and then I fell on some cushions and rugs to drink coffee and eat chocolate macadamia nuts with the rest of the guests.
Around 4.30 those with energy disappeared to collect wild mushrooms and Chita emerged with a big smile and two fistfuls of mushrooms which were cooked in butter and garlic, and placed on toasted sour dough as a bruschetta before the long drive home.
I love the peace and quiet here....... he says and I did too.
He started out well with two days a week at a gourmet butchery here in Hobart. He learnt how to use a computerised slicer and package the best bacon in Tassie for customers all over Australia. However with the economic downturn they no longer needed a casual.
I drove past a Turkish restaurant one Sunday night and he successfully applied for some waitering work and now serves Turkish food to eager customers. He had three shifts a week but that has dropped to one and now we are busy finding courses in care either aged care or students with disabilities for Chita to pursue.
Money has always been tight for us, so nothing has changed there. We are both catering for a private party on Saturday night. Chita is in charge of lugging stuff and setting up and I am cooking and serving food while he manages the bar. What a team!
We have come to an agreement that I cannot presume he knows what to do in all situations so I can tell him or show him what to do. That works in theory but telling a male what to do is rarely successful. I have to find a lighthearted and cheey voice to get my point across as my serious voice offends.
Some funny moments have been:
Me trying to keep the petrol cap open so we can get petrol into our car only to find he has taken hold of the wrong pump and I was trying to put diesel in - luckily it all dripped down the side of the car.
We were housesitting my brother's house and I came back from work to find the cat growling and howling. I looked in Spike's food bowl and found it filled on one side with kitty litter and the other side with dog food. He had read the note saying there is kitty litter under the sink and please fill the container. He just got the wrong container.
I am working full time, so when I come home he is there all happy and smiley waiting for me, and I am ready to space out for twenty minutes and recoup my happy smiley self. I give him a kiss and a hug first and then regroup and we cook dinner together.
We are a team in the house - I cook and he washes up which is great.
We have met the Fijian community in Hobart and he is number seven male. We have been invited over by all members and two of them Pita and Sam have become great mates with Chita and keep him busy. Pita has a tea with him every morning before work,and he usually drops in for a chat in the afternoon before heading home. Sam picks Chita up and they go and weed his vegetable garden, go for a drive, or go op shopping. Chita came home with a $3 bag of goodies last week including a fab jacket that just happened to be made in Fiji, jeans and great shirts. The boys were very pleased with themselves.
Last Sunday we took a long drive out into the country to a friend of our's rural retreat- a cottage at Deddington. The day was grey and gloomy with some rain, but once we hit the gravel and dirt road, the sun peeked through. We were welcomed by Suzanne with a wave from outside the front garden. We drove down the long drive and parked under an enormous tree. The day was idyllic. We helped set the table up on two picnic tables out in the nextdoor field. We had cows grazing in front of us, and Ramsay the ram loitering and sniffing us nearby. We sat down to marinated quail with a red wine fig and olive sauce, followed by a pear and treacle upside down cake which was delicious. Chita disappeared to sleep on the nearby river bank with the cows munching and crunching in his ear. The rest of us found places to crash for a siesta. I had my feet massaged by Chris and then I fell on some cushions and rugs to drink coffee and eat chocolate macadamia nuts with the rest of the guests.
Around 4.30 those with energy disappeared to collect wild mushrooms and Chita emerged with a big smile and two fistfuls of mushrooms which were cooked in butter and garlic, and placed on toasted sour dough as a bruschetta before the long drive home.
I love the peace and quiet here....... he says and I did too.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Our journey!
Over the last few days I have had a chance to think about what I am doing. I am an unpublished writer. I have a stockpile of manuscripts in my cupboard. I intend to write a novel about an intercultural Fijian relationship soon. I started writing this blog because I was desperate to understand Fijian culture, its traditions and customs and there is nothing out there.I thought that by sharing my experiences I could assist others in the same situation. I have had plenty of confirmation from friends met through this blogsite that I have helped.
I have lived in Italy and for twenty years I have immersed myself in the lifestyle and learnt the language. When I am in Italy now I blend into Italian life.
Fiji is different. I am a kavalagi. I am different. Fijian culture is still a mystery to me. I tried to learn the language but had difficulty finding someone who with the time to spend on conversation. I only learnt about tradition when I had made a mistake. It has been frustrating. My relationship with my husband has succeeded only because we have created a level of communication which bridges two cultures. He has to compromise and so do I. We treat each other as equals and respect each other.
I am so proud of him. He is adjusting to Australian daily life and makes inciteful comments frequently to the differences. Every country has good and bad and plenty of social problems. It is my view. I will not be compromised. I live in a democracy with freedom of Speech. I am sad to see the comments by Fijians and am sad to see that not one of them had the guts to leave their name. That is a side of Fijian culture I don't like.
Thank your for your support and positive comments all my kavalagi friends out there. This blog site is written for you. In Fijian culture people are quiet and in the village situation I have heard Chita say often - I can't say much'. That is not the Australian way- when we have an issue of problem we talk about it. We don't have to wait for a village meeting to speak our opinions out loud. I have never meant to offend - I have tried to use humour instead.
I have nothing to hide except a strong and deep love for my husband. I have spent four years supporting him, his family and his clan. We opened a village business which I am proud of. It has been a struggle to get him to Australia. It has taken a personal toll upon me. I have had to prepare all the paperwork, change jobs so I could support his application and apply for visitor's visa. I had to cut back my living expenses to nothing so I could afford to go back to Fiji and see him every three months. Last year I got seriously ill from the stress of it all but we did it!! I made a commitment to my husband that I would be there for him always. He and I are very happy.
Arriving at Melbourne airport at 11 pm in a near empty airport all I can remember is his smile. We walked around Melbourne city the next day and his comment to me was ' I am in the land of the kavalagi'. I looked through his eyes and instead of seeing Australians on holiday, he is now seeing Australians participating in daily life. Our flight back to Tas was delayed for 8 hours and the two of us were tired, bored and desperate to get on a plane - His comment cracked me up - If I spend much more time here I will turn white.
He has got a job already working two days a week for a gourmet butcher. His first pay was the equivalent of three weeks work in Fiji. He is very grateful. I am about to take him on a walkabout tomorrow to find more casual work - probably in Hospitality. We are no longer a separate entity - we are 'Us' and we are heading towards a future as a couple. Laughter is going to be the way forward. He still has issues with pyjamas - an ozzie concept but I have agreed that he is making so many adjustments on a daily basis that we will take change one day at a time.
However, I have the responsibility of this man. We still have to apply for a spouse visa and meet all the conditions. I have been a single and independent woman who has travelled the world and loves OTHER CULTURES. I have to adjust to someone else being in my appartment and my life. So far it has been fun.
Chita's cousin Joe in Sydney remarked that he loved the burgers in Australia. Chita has already told me - I know why Fijians stay in Australia, there is so much food to choose from. Watching Chita enjoy day trips driving around Tassie, eating new foods - creme de menthe meringues and apple and rhubarb crumble are off his list, playing touch footy on Sunday and getting to meet a few people, hanging out with my brother, being welcomed into my family, and us spending time together. He has been here over a month and last year I only spent a week in January in Cyclone Gene, a week in June, an week in September. Our journey has begun!
I have lived in Italy and for twenty years I have immersed myself in the lifestyle and learnt the language. When I am in Italy now I blend into Italian life.
Fiji is different. I am a kavalagi. I am different. Fijian culture is still a mystery to me. I tried to learn the language but had difficulty finding someone who with the time to spend on conversation. I only learnt about tradition when I had made a mistake. It has been frustrating. My relationship with my husband has succeeded only because we have created a level of communication which bridges two cultures. He has to compromise and so do I. We treat each other as equals and respect each other.
I am so proud of him. He is adjusting to Australian daily life and makes inciteful comments frequently to the differences. Every country has good and bad and plenty of social problems. It is my view. I will not be compromised. I live in a democracy with freedom of Speech. I am sad to see the comments by Fijians and am sad to see that not one of them had the guts to leave their name. That is a side of Fijian culture I don't like.
Thank your for your support and positive comments all my kavalagi friends out there. This blog site is written for you. In Fijian culture people are quiet and in the village situation I have heard Chita say often - I can't say much'. That is not the Australian way- when we have an issue of problem we talk about it. We don't have to wait for a village meeting to speak our opinions out loud. I have never meant to offend - I have tried to use humour instead.
I have nothing to hide except a strong and deep love for my husband. I have spent four years supporting him, his family and his clan. We opened a village business which I am proud of. It has been a struggle to get him to Australia. It has taken a personal toll upon me. I have had to prepare all the paperwork, change jobs so I could support his application and apply for visitor's visa. I had to cut back my living expenses to nothing so I could afford to go back to Fiji and see him every three months. Last year I got seriously ill from the stress of it all but we did it!! I made a commitment to my husband that I would be there for him always. He and I are very happy.
Arriving at Melbourne airport at 11 pm in a near empty airport all I can remember is his smile. We walked around Melbourne city the next day and his comment to me was ' I am in the land of the kavalagi'. I looked through his eyes and instead of seeing Australians on holiday, he is now seeing Australians participating in daily life. Our flight back to Tas was delayed for 8 hours and the two of us were tired, bored and desperate to get on a plane - His comment cracked me up - If I spend much more time here I will turn white.
He has got a job already working two days a week for a gourmet butcher. His first pay was the equivalent of three weeks work in Fiji. He is very grateful. I am about to take him on a walkabout tomorrow to find more casual work - probably in Hospitality. We are no longer a separate entity - we are 'Us' and we are heading towards a future as a couple. Laughter is going to be the way forward. He still has issues with pyjamas - an ozzie concept but I have agreed that he is making so many adjustments on a daily basis that we will take change one day at a time.
However, I have the responsibility of this man. We still have to apply for a spouse visa and meet all the conditions. I have been a single and independent woman who has travelled the world and loves OTHER CULTURES. I have to adjust to someone else being in my appartment and my life. So far it has been fun.
Chita's cousin Joe in Sydney remarked that he loved the burgers in Australia. Chita has already told me - I know why Fijians stay in Australia, there is so much food to choose from. Watching Chita enjoy day trips driving around Tassie, eating new foods - creme de menthe meringues and apple and rhubarb crumble are off his list, playing touch footy on Sunday and getting to meet a few people, hanging out with my brother, being welcomed into my family, and us spending time together. He has been here over a month and last year I only spent a week in January in Cyclone Gene, a week in June, an week in September. Our journey has begun!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Fiji is always close!
Having Chita here in Australia has been great. He is adjusting to a new way of life, but retaining his dignity as a Fijian living in Australia. He and I both love Fiji and would love to be building up a business in Fiji, assisting the village community of Votua and providing education and training to young Fijians from his clan.
Unfortunately, at the moment that is not possible. We have two good friends running the business for us, and we know we can always go back and visit. We are also organising a way to support his mum from Oz.
I have had a recent comment from a Fijian male, saying that I am being disrespectful to Chita's family and his culture. That is something I would never do. I started this blog to build bridges so that other Australian girls who find themselves in the same circumstances will need patience and persistance in an intercultural relationship. I respect his family and his clan. I have never talked about them. Living with two cultures requires flexibility, patience, mutual tolerance and respect. Chita and I have begun that journey.
Unfortunately, at the moment that is not possible. We have two good friends running the business for us, and we know we can always go back and visit. We are also organising a way to support his mum from Oz.
I have had a recent comment from a Fijian male, saying that I am being disrespectful to Chita's family and his culture. That is something I would never do. I started this blog to build bridges so that other Australian girls who find themselves in the same circumstances will need patience and persistance in an intercultural relationship. I respect his family and his clan. I have never talked about them. Living with two cultures requires flexibility, patience, mutual tolerance and respect. Chita and I have begun that journey.
Monday, January 12, 2009
We're Married!
The last three weeks have been a blur of new experiences for Chita and lots of eating and drinking and meeting all my friends and family. Luckily Chita is an experienced meeter and greeter from his days at the Naviti and has a large family, so he has coped very well.
I flew to Melbourne on Friday December 19th to pick him up. I was wondering how he would cope with the transfer in Sydney from the international airport to the domestic airport to pick up his Melbourne flight but in true Fijian style, he was sitting on the plane next to someone he knew who lived in Sydney and helped him out. He did tell me he wasn't watching the time so he had to RUSH to get to the airport lounge. Jen, a friend of mine and I drove out to the airport to pick him up at 9.30 and of course Jetstar was not running on time, so he arrived around 11 pm. We had to walk out to practically the last gate lounge and wait in a near empty airport. As people streamed off the plane my eyes were glued- looking for a tall Fijian with a back pack and all of a sudden he appeared with a big smile, and even gave me a hug at the airport- a first. We drove off to Lygon Street and introduced him to eating out at midnight- a pizza on the street with heat lamps above.
We looked at each other and I had to keep saying to myself - he really is here.... somewhere in my brain, disbelief was holding strong. The next day we took him to the Crown casino and walked for hours. His comment to me was - I am in the land of the kavalagi - and he was right not a Fijian or a palm tree in sight. We took him down Flinders lane and showed him the tiny hole in the wall cafes and ended up eating Vietnamese on Swanston street.
Sunday I lazed in bed while he decided to clean up Jen's garden. He used the Fijian approach of hack away and it should all grow again thick and fast but temperate climates are not quite like that. It looked tidy to me but he apparently hacked a palm tree and Jen was a bit miffed. She said' I don't know what he used to cut that down. I do, but that's another story.
We decided to catch the tram into the city to Spencer Street.I wanted to buy big foot a pair of cheap casual shoes so we ran around the DFO outlet and found a pair. We took the bus to the airport and arrived at 12.31 and stood in line for five minutes and then I realised we would miss our flight. I asked a ground hostess for help and she directed us to a booking desk but then reappeared a minute later and said 'I am sorry you have missed the flight'. I went to the service desk and had to pay two late fees for a 4.30 pm flight which was delayed to 8 pm. I could not believe it. Chita and I had lunch then we wandered the airport, and he had Nandos for dinner. He turned to me and said - If I spend much more time in this airport I am going to turn white. I laughed.
We arrived back in Hobart and I picked up my car from valet parking and drove him home to our flat in the dark. He had no idea where he was going and what was around him.
After months of living at his mothers, or friends, he walked into our tiny flat and said ' I love it!'. I cranked up the heater to tropical in our bedroom and we slept.
How to handle a Fijian who has resisted marriage - he told his mum he would never marry- and had no idea of the wedding preparations involved. One day at a time and one step at a time. We had to go to Launceston for Christmas and then had a week to get the final details for the wedding sorted. I broached discussion but he kept saying ' give me one more day before we talk about it' . Then time started running out.
We had to visit the marriage celebrant Christine to discuss the wedding ceremony and verify our existence with passports and birth certificates. I am usually super organised but I knew I was stressing when I forgot to ask him to bring his passport and birth certificate. We also arrived late as Chita decided to have a shower, a beer with my landlord and then I had to prod and poke him into the car. A coffee calmed me down and Christine gave us the lowdown. I would like the wedding ceremony before Christmas if possible. I said 'yes' but forgot that we had people to see and things to do. Christmas day came and went and I received a phone call from Christine demanding the wedding ceremony by 9.30 Christmas night. Bloody hell. Things became complicated as mum and dad's computer was not connected and I had to use a friend's Mac. I cut the ceremony back to very simple and asked Chita what he wanted to say - I do. Easy. Then I tried to email it. It would not work. Boxing day morning and I am hoping for an internet connection. I rang my sisters Polly and Georgy for help but they were not sure why it wasn't working. Polly said she would ring me back after her breakfast only to tell me that she could not help, did not have a car to come round and at that point I was freaking out and thought- Why the bloody hell did you ring me back just to tell me you could not help? I eventually got the wedding ceremony attached and sent. I really did not have time to review so I hope I got it right.
Back to Christmas.... We drove to Lonny to stay at a friend's house. We walked into mum and dad's house and my sister Emma's response was. Mandy he is so handsome. You have given all the single girl's out there - hope.... He was out of earshot and did not hear a thing.
My doubting family who have been secretly thinking that I have been spending all my time and energy on someone who is just using me, were wreathed in smiles and he was polite, well mannered and very attentive with my armchair bound father. He had his first European Christmas - turkey and ham and the strange black pudding which we all love - Christmas pudding. In bed that night, his stomach was experiencing orchestral manouvres in the dark. I was laughing my head off - saying' you have gone from a fish and rice diet to lots of protein and carbs - take it easy!
Boxing day was a picnic in the park and we were meeting friends at Punchbowl reserve. I had bought an inflatable santa suit for my brother to wear. Mum had said -' do you think Chita would wear it?' I replied - a black santa might be a bit much fo4 everybody'. Chita went to the toilets to help my brother Sean put it on. He waddled out with a box of chocolates, I cracked up laughing and kids appeared from everywhere to touch Santa.... 'Very Australian' was Chita's reply.
So now for the wedding. My sister in law texted me on December 27th saying - Prouds is having a %40 discount so we rushed down and tried on silver wedding rings. Cheap and cheerful for us.... my wedding ring was mistaken for white gold, and I said nothing. Then a phone call to a friend for a bunch of flowers, and another friend for the wedding cake. Chita and I went shopping and bought food for the wedding party - I made teriyaki beef skewers, Thai chicken skewers, lemon and oregano squid, and sausage rolls for the kids... Mum and Emma helped with the skewers- a time consuming job. The wedding dress was borrowed from my sister Emma who had bought a fab frock for Derby day. I conveniently had a pair of cream shoes to match.
I asked Emma on Boxing Day if I needed to dry clean the dress and her reply - You should, as I actually slept in it the last time I wore it....
Mary, a very close friend had lent me a gold tiara, a garter and rollers for my homespun hairdo so I was set.
On New Year's Eve my brothers took Chita off my hands. He went with them down to the dog beach to collect stones for a lovo on the cleared back block behind the house. He and Danny then bought enough meat to feed a Fijian village and there were only 30 guests.
Meanwhile I was still in my pyjamas having a coffee and chat to Jen, who decided to get me organised. She rang every beauty salon in Hobart to see if I could get a spray tan. Yes at 11.30- so we zoomed into town, she dropped me off, and I went into the salon in a pair of old tracky daks and a zip up jacket. Jen had told me that I would just walk into a booth and the jets would automatically tan me. No - I was stark naked and the salon assistant sprayed it on me by hand. I had no time for modesty and it was all over in five minutes anyway. However, I could not wash for two hours. Jen's retort - well Chita has kept you waiting sometimes for up to six hours, if you keep him waiting half an hour, that's what's gonna happen.
We decided to go and have a coffee at Jackman and Ross bakery in Battery Point - I was in a no reaction zone, and not stressed at all. I had a coffee and brioche and then we dropped into Tess's house to check up on the cake and her whole family - took one look saying 'Mandy you are getting married in an hour". I was still relaxed. I then decided to ring to check up on the flowers as they had not been dropped off. Gwenyth replied saying ' I hope tomorrow is better weather than today' I gently stressed' Yes, but I am getting married today at 2 pm and not tomorrow'. Gwenyth sprinted off to her mother in law to ask for a quick posy and a lovely bunch of sweet peas and roses appeared.
Now for the hair do. I never wear my hair up. It usually looks terrible as my face is so round. I never wear much make up either. I started putting in rollers and Jen helped. Her brother is a hair dresser so she had a few clues. I had asked my hairdresser in Lonny what to do. Spray each strand with hairspray, roll up and spray some more. Then spray your whole head before you take out the rollers, and repeat when all rollers are removed. Arrange the curls and spray some more. I put on some make up, Jen arranged my hair into curls behind the gold tiara. I slipped on the dress and shoes and felt fabulous. Photos will accompany when I can extricate them from family members.
We headed for Jen's Saab convertible and headed for West Hobart to my brother Daniel and his wife Linda's house. At the bottom of the hill we took the roof off and drove up the roller coaster steep drive way to the house. Everyone came out on the balcony to greet us and I heard Polly saying ' Whose car is that?'.
Everyone gasped and jaws dropped as I emerged from the car in my wedding glory. I know I scrub up well, but it was great to surprise my family like that. I walked inside and upstairs to wait, while Jen rushed in with the wedding song, and the ring cushion for my nephew Joshie.
Sacha Dane my three year old nephew appeared and came upstairs to hold my hand. A few of my nieces and nephews appeared and walked me into the living room which had been cleared and everyone was waiting. I thought I would be really stressed but I wasn't. I was extremely calm. Chita was standing there in a black shirt and blue sulu with a big smile. We stood in front of the marriage celebrant and my chucked together ceremony began.
When my sister Emma read out this poem there was not a dry eye in the house. Even Chita was sniffling and had tears running down his cheeks.
Today by Betrand Russell
Today I marry my friend,
The one I have laughed and cried with
The one I have learned from and shared with
The one I have chosen to support, encourage and give myself to
Through all the days given us to share.
Today I marry the one I love.
We played 'Seasons of Love' from Rent which talks about what happens in the year of a life with friends....
My brother spoke well.. talking about our persistence and patience over the last four years and talked about Chita's commitment to his village and how he has helped with so many community projects...
The rest of the day was a blur - champagne appeared, one of my sister's Trina cooked some of the food I had prepared, Chita took off his sulu, and tied it around his head while preparing the lovo - he had shorts on underneath of course. The kids all surrounded him to help, so he made spears out of wood for them all - a few eyebrows were raised....
The cake was a confection of chocolate mousse, meringue, dark chocolate torte and cream encased in white chocolate fondant in folds - a three tier extravaganza with frosted blueberries and raspberries. I had never seen anything like it. Perfect.
We had lovo for dinner cooked by my brothers, Chita and the kids.... a bit of karaoke, and then we watched the fireworks over the harbour for New Year's eve.
Around 10 pm we drove home to our little flat.
Amanda, can you please make me a toasted sandwich, I did not eat very much today.
He was busy serving everyone else and making sure everyone else was comfortable.
I walked into the bedroom carrying a hot toasted sandwich and Chita was in bed, curled up fast asleep.
I flew to Melbourne on Friday December 19th to pick him up. I was wondering how he would cope with the transfer in Sydney from the international airport to the domestic airport to pick up his Melbourne flight but in true Fijian style, he was sitting on the plane next to someone he knew who lived in Sydney and helped him out. He did tell me he wasn't watching the time so he had to RUSH to get to the airport lounge. Jen, a friend of mine and I drove out to the airport to pick him up at 9.30 and of course Jetstar was not running on time, so he arrived around 11 pm. We had to walk out to practically the last gate lounge and wait in a near empty airport. As people streamed off the plane my eyes were glued- looking for a tall Fijian with a back pack and all of a sudden he appeared with a big smile, and even gave me a hug at the airport- a first. We drove off to Lygon Street and introduced him to eating out at midnight- a pizza on the street with heat lamps above.
We looked at each other and I had to keep saying to myself - he really is here.... somewhere in my brain, disbelief was holding strong. The next day we took him to the Crown casino and walked for hours. His comment to me was - I am in the land of the kavalagi - and he was right not a Fijian or a palm tree in sight. We took him down Flinders lane and showed him the tiny hole in the wall cafes and ended up eating Vietnamese on Swanston street.
Sunday I lazed in bed while he decided to clean up Jen's garden. He used the Fijian approach of hack away and it should all grow again thick and fast but temperate climates are not quite like that. It looked tidy to me but he apparently hacked a palm tree and Jen was a bit miffed. She said' I don't know what he used to cut that down. I do, but that's another story.
We decided to catch the tram into the city to Spencer Street.I wanted to buy big foot a pair of cheap casual shoes so we ran around the DFO outlet and found a pair. We took the bus to the airport and arrived at 12.31 and stood in line for five minutes and then I realised we would miss our flight. I asked a ground hostess for help and she directed us to a booking desk but then reappeared a minute later and said 'I am sorry you have missed the flight'. I went to the service desk and had to pay two late fees for a 4.30 pm flight which was delayed to 8 pm. I could not believe it. Chita and I had lunch then we wandered the airport, and he had Nandos for dinner. He turned to me and said - If I spend much more time in this airport I am going to turn white. I laughed.
We arrived back in Hobart and I picked up my car from valet parking and drove him home to our flat in the dark. He had no idea where he was going and what was around him.
After months of living at his mothers, or friends, he walked into our tiny flat and said ' I love it!'. I cranked up the heater to tropical in our bedroom and we slept.
How to handle a Fijian who has resisted marriage - he told his mum he would never marry- and had no idea of the wedding preparations involved. One day at a time and one step at a time. We had to go to Launceston for Christmas and then had a week to get the final details for the wedding sorted. I broached discussion but he kept saying ' give me one more day before we talk about it' . Then time started running out.
We had to visit the marriage celebrant Christine to discuss the wedding ceremony and verify our existence with passports and birth certificates. I am usually super organised but I knew I was stressing when I forgot to ask him to bring his passport and birth certificate. We also arrived late as Chita decided to have a shower, a beer with my landlord and then I had to prod and poke him into the car. A coffee calmed me down and Christine gave us the lowdown. I would like the wedding ceremony before Christmas if possible. I said 'yes' but forgot that we had people to see and things to do. Christmas day came and went and I received a phone call from Christine demanding the wedding ceremony by 9.30 Christmas night. Bloody hell. Things became complicated as mum and dad's computer was not connected and I had to use a friend's Mac. I cut the ceremony back to very simple and asked Chita what he wanted to say - I do. Easy. Then I tried to email it. It would not work. Boxing day morning and I am hoping for an internet connection. I rang my sisters Polly and Georgy for help but they were not sure why it wasn't working. Polly said she would ring me back after her breakfast only to tell me that she could not help, did not have a car to come round and at that point I was freaking out and thought- Why the bloody hell did you ring me back just to tell me you could not help? I eventually got the wedding ceremony attached and sent. I really did not have time to review so I hope I got it right.
Back to Christmas.... We drove to Lonny to stay at a friend's house. We walked into mum and dad's house and my sister Emma's response was. Mandy he is so handsome. You have given all the single girl's out there - hope.... He was out of earshot and did not hear a thing.
My doubting family who have been secretly thinking that I have been spending all my time and energy on someone who is just using me, were wreathed in smiles and he was polite, well mannered and very attentive with my armchair bound father. He had his first European Christmas - turkey and ham and the strange black pudding which we all love - Christmas pudding. In bed that night, his stomach was experiencing orchestral manouvres in the dark. I was laughing my head off - saying' you have gone from a fish and rice diet to lots of protein and carbs - take it easy!
Boxing day was a picnic in the park and we were meeting friends at Punchbowl reserve. I had bought an inflatable santa suit for my brother to wear. Mum had said -' do you think Chita would wear it?' I replied - a black santa might be a bit much fo4 everybody'. Chita went to the toilets to help my brother Sean put it on. He waddled out with a box of chocolates, I cracked up laughing and kids appeared from everywhere to touch Santa.... 'Very Australian' was Chita's reply.
So now for the wedding. My sister in law texted me on December 27th saying - Prouds is having a %40 discount so we rushed down and tried on silver wedding rings. Cheap and cheerful for us.... my wedding ring was mistaken for white gold, and I said nothing. Then a phone call to a friend for a bunch of flowers, and another friend for the wedding cake. Chita and I went shopping and bought food for the wedding party - I made teriyaki beef skewers, Thai chicken skewers, lemon and oregano squid, and sausage rolls for the kids... Mum and Emma helped with the skewers- a time consuming job. The wedding dress was borrowed from my sister Emma who had bought a fab frock for Derby day. I conveniently had a pair of cream shoes to match.
I asked Emma on Boxing Day if I needed to dry clean the dress and her reply - You should, as I actually slept in it the last time I wore it....
Mary, a very close friend had lent me a gold tiara, a garter and rollers for my homespun hairdo so I was set.
On New Year's Eve my brothers took Chita off my hands. He went with them down to the dog beach to collect stones for a lovo on the cleared back block behind the house. He and Danny then bought enough meat to feed a Fijian village and there were only 30 guests.
Meanwhile I was still in my pyjamas having a coffee and chat to Jen, who decided to get me organised. She rang every beauty salon in Hobart to see if I could get a spray tan. Yes at 11.30- so we zoomed into town, she dropped me off, and I went into the salon in a pair of old tracky daks and a zip up jacket. Jen had told me that I would just walk into a booth and the jets would automatically tan me. No - I was stark naked and the salon assistant sprayed it on me by hand. I had no time for modesty and it was all over in five minutes anyway. However, I could not wash for two hours. Jen's retort - well Chita has kept you waiting sometimes for up to six hours, if you keep him waiting half an hour, that's what's gonna happen.
We decided to go and have a coffee at Jackman and Ross bakery in Battery Point - I was in a no reaction zone, and not stressed at all. I had a coffee and brioche and then we dropped into Tess's house to check up on the cake and her whole family - took one look saying 'Mandy you are getting married in an hour". I was still relaxed. I then decided to ring to check up on the flowers as they had not been dropped off. Gwenyth replied saying ' I hope tomorrow is better weather than today' I gently stressed' Yes, but I am getting married today at 2 pm and not tomorrow'. Gwenyth sprinted off to her mother in law to ask for a quick posy and a lovely bunch of sweet peas and roses appeared.
Now for the hair do. I never wear my hair up. It usually looks terrible as my face is so round. I never wear much make up either. I started putting in rollers and Jen helped. Her brother is a hair dresser so she had a few clues. I had asked my hairdresser in Lonny what to do. Spray each strand with hairspray, roll up and spray some more. Then spray your whole head before you take out the rollers, and repeat when all rollers are removed. Arrange the curls and spray some more. I put on some make up, Jen arranged my hair into curls behind the gold tiara. I slipped on the dress and shoes and felt fabulous. Photos will accompany when I can extricate them from family members.
We headed for Jen's Saab convertible and headed for West Hobart to my brother Daniel and his wife Linda's house. At the bottom of the hill we took the roof off and drove up the roller coaster steep drive way to the house. Everyone came out on the balcony to greet us and I heard Polly saying ' Whose car is that?'.
Everyone gasped and jaws dropped as I emerged from the car in my wedding glory. I know I scrub up well, but it was great to surprise my family like that. I walked inside and upstairs to wait, while Jen rushed in with the wedding song, and the ring cushion for my nephew Joshie.
Sacha Dane my three year old nephew appeared and came upstairs to hold my hand. A few of my nieces and nephews appeared and walked me into the living room which had been cleared and everyone was waiting. I thought I would be really stressed but I wasn't. I was extremely calm. Chita was standing there in a black shirt and blue sulu with a big smile. We stood in front of the marriage celebrant and my chucked together ceremony began.
When my sister Emma read out this poem there was not a dry eye in the house. Even Chita was sniffling and had tears running down his cheeks.
Today by Betrand Russell
Today I marry my friend,
The one I have laughed and cried with
The one I have learned from and shared with
The one I have chosen to support, encourage and give myself to
Through all the days given us to share.
Today I marry the one I love.
We played 'Seasons of Love' from Rent which talks about what happens in the year of a life with friends....
My brother spoke well.. talking about our persistence and patience over the last four years and talked about Chita's commitment to his village and how he has helped with so many community projects...
The rest of the day was a blur - champagne appeared, one of my sister's Trina cooked some of the food I had prepared, Chita took off his sulu, and tied it around his head while preparing the lovo - he had shorts on underneath of course. The kids all surrounded him to help, so he made spears out of wood for them all - a few eyebrows were raised....
The cake was a confection of chocolate mousse, meringue, dark chocolate torte and cream encased in white chocolate fondant in folds - a three tier extravaganza with frosted blueberries and raspberries. I had never seen anything like it. Perfect.
We had lovo for dinner cooked by my brothers, Chita and the kids.... a bit of karaoke, and then we watched the fireworks over the harbour for New Year's eve.
Around 10 pm we drove home to our little flat.
Amanda, can you please make me a toasted sandwich, I did not eat very much today.
He was busy serving everyone else and making sure everyone else was comfortable.
I walked into the bedroom carrying a hot toasted sandwich and Chita was in bed, curled up fast asleep.
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