Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Monday, January 19, 2009

Our journey!

Over the last few days I have had a chance to think about what I am doing. I am an unpublished writer. I have a stockpile of manuscripts in my cupboard. I intend to write a novel about an intercultural Fijian relationship soon. I started writing this blog because I was desperate to understand Fijian culture, its traditions and customs and there is nothing out there.I thought that by sharing my experiences I could assist others in the same situation. I have had plenty of confirmation from friends met through this blogsite that I have helped.
I have lived in Italy and for twenty years I have immersed myself in the lifestyle and learnt the language. When I am in Italy now I blend into Italian life.
Fiji is different. I am a kavalagi. I am different. Fijian culture is still a mystery to me. I tried to learn the language but had difficulty finding someone who with the time to spend on conversation. I only learnt about tradition when I had made a mistake. It has been frustrating. My relationship with my husband has succeeded only because we have created a level of communication which bridges two cultures. He has to compromise and so do I. We treat each other as equals and respect each other.
I am so proud of him. He is adjusting to Australian daily life and makes inciteful comments frequently to the differences. Every country has good and bad and plenty of social problems. It is my view. I will not be compromised. I live in a democracy with freedom of Speech. I am sad to see the comments by Fijians and am sad to see that not one of them had the guts to leave their name. That is a side of Fijian culture I don't like.
Thank your for your support and positive comments all my kavalagi friends out there. This blog site is written for you. In Fijian culture people are quiet and in the village situation I have heard Chita say often - I can't say much'. That is not the Australian way- when we have an issue of problem we talk about it. We don't have to wait for a village meeting to speak our opinions out loud. I have never meant to offend - I have tried to use humour instead.
I have nothing to hide except a strong and deep love for my husband. I have spent four years supporting him, his family and his clan. We opened a village business which I am proud of. It has been a struggle to get him to Australia. It has taken a personal toll upon me. I have had to prepare all the paperwork, change jobs so I could support his application and apply for visitor's visa. I had to cut back my living expenses to nothing so I could afford to go back to Fiji and see him every three months. Last year I got seriously ill from the stress of it all but we did it!! I made a commitment to my husband that I would be there for him always. He and I are very happy.
Arriving at Melbourne airport at 11 pm in a near empty airport all I can remember is his smile. We walked around Melbourne city the next day and his comment to me was ' I am in the land of the kavalagi'. I looked through his eyes and instead of seeing Australians on holiday, he is now seeing Australians participating in daily life. Our flight back to Tas was delayed for 8 hours and the two of us were tired, bored and desperate to get on a plane - His comment cracked me up - If I spend much more time here I will turn white.
He has got a job already working two days a week for a gourmet butcher. His first pay was the equivalent of three weeks work in Fiji. He is very grateful. I am about to take him on a walkabout tomorrow to find more casual work - probably in Hospitality. We are no longer a separate entity - we are 'Us' and we are heading towards a future as a couple. Laughter is going to be the way forward. He still has issues with pyjamas - an ozzie concept but I have agreed that he is making so many adjustments on a daily basis that we will take change one day at a time.
However, I have the responsibility of this man. We still have to apply for a spouse visa and meet all the conditions. I have been a single and independent woman who has travelled the world and loves OTHER CULTURES. I have to adjust to someone else being in my appartment and my life. So far it has been fun.
Chita's cousin Joe in Sydney remarked that he loved the burgers in Australia. Chita has already told me - I know why Fijians stay in Australia, there is so much food to choose from. Watching Chita enjoy day trips driving around Tassie, eating new foods - creme de menthe meringues and apple and rhubarb crumble are off his list, playing touch footy on Sunday and getting to meet a few people, hanging out with my brother, being welcomed into my family, and us spending time together. He has been here over a month and last year I only spent a week in January in Cyclone Gene, a week in June, an week in September. Our journey has begun!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Fiji is always close!

Having Chita here in Australia has been great. He is adjusting to a new way of life, but retaining his dignity as a Fijian living in Australia. He and I both love Fiji and would love to be building up a business in Fiji, assisting the village community of Votua and providing education and training to young Fijians from his clan.
Unfortunately, at the moment that is not possible. We have two good friends running the business for us, and we know we can always go back and visit. We are also organising a way to support his mum from Oz.
I have had a recent comment from a Fijian male, saying that I am being disrespectful to Chita's family and his culture. That is something I would never do. I started this blog to build bridges so that other Australian girls who find themselves in the same circumstances will need patience and persistance in an intercultural relationship. I respect his family and his clan. I have never talked about them. Living with two cultures requires flexibility, patience, mutual tolerance and respect. Chita and I have begun that journey.

Monday, January 12, 2009

We're Married!

The last three weeks have been a blur of new experiences for Chita and lots of eating and drinking and meeting all my friends and family. Luckily Chita is an experienced meeter and greeter from his days at the Naviti and has a large family, so he has coped very well.
I flew to Melbourne on Friday December 19th to pick him up. I was wondering how he would cope with the transfer in Sydney from the international airport to the domestic airport to pick up his Melbourne flight but in true Fijian style, he was sitting on the plane next to someone he knew who lived in Sydney and helped him out. He did tell me he wasn't watching the time so he had to RUSH to get to the airport lounge. Jen, a friend of mine and I drove out to the airport to pick him up at 9.30 and of course Jetstar was not running on time, so he arrived around 11 pm. We had to walk out to practically the last gate lounge and wait in a near empty airport. As people streamed off the plane my eyes were glued- looking for a tall Fijian with a back pack and all of a sudden he appeared with a big smile, and even gave me a hug at the airport- a first. We drove off to Lygon Street and introduced him to eating out at midnight- a pizza on the street with heat lamps above.
We looked at each other and I had to keep saying to myself - he really is here.... somewhere in my brain, disbelief was holding strong. The next day we took him to the Crown casino and walked for hours. His comment to me was - I am in the land of the kavalagi - and he was right not a Fijian or a palm tree in sight. We took him down Flinders lane and showed him the tiny hole in the wall cafes and ended up eating Vietnamese on Swanston street.
Sunday I lazed in bed while he decided to clean up Jen's garden. He used the Fijian approach of hack away and it should all grow again thick and fast but temperate climates are not quite like that. It looked tidy to me but he apparently hacked a palm tree and Jen was a bit miffed. She said' I don't know what he used to cut that down. I do, but that's another story.
We decided to catch the tram into the city to Spencer Street.I wanted to buy big foot a pair of cheap casual shoes so we ran around the DFO outlet and found a pair. We took the bus to the airport and arrived at 12.31 and stood in line for five minutes and then I realised we would miss our flight. I asked a ground hostess for help and she directed us to a booking desk but then reappeared a minute later and said 'I am sorry you have missed the flight'. I went to the service desk and had to pay two late fees for a 4.30 pm flight which was delayed to 8 pm. I could not believe it. Chita and I had lunch then we wandered the airport, and he had Nandos for dinner. He turned to me and said - If I spend much more time in this airport I am going to turn white. I laughed.
We arrived back in Hobart and I picked up my car from valet parking and drove him home to our flat in the dark. He had no idea where he was going and what was around him.
After months of living at his mothers, or friends, he walked into our tiny flat and said ' I love it!'. I cranked up the heater to tropical in our bedroom and we slept.
How to handle a Fijian who has resisted marriage - he told his mum he would never marry- and had no idea of the wedding preparations involved. One day at a time and one step at a time. We had to go to Launceston for Christmas and then had a week to get the final details for the wedding sorted. I broached discussion but he kept saying ' give me one more day before we talk about it' . Then time started running out.
We had to visit the marriage celebrant Christine to discuss the wedding ceremony and verify our existence with passports and birth certificates. I am usually super organised but I knew I was stressing when I forgot to ask him to bring his passport and birth certificate. We also arrived late as Chita decided to have a shower, a beer with my landlord and then I had to prod and poke him into the car. A coffee calmed me down and Christine gave us the lowdown. I would like the wedding ceremony before Christmas if possible. I said 'yes' but forgot that we had people to see and things to do. Christmas day came and went and I received a phone call from Christine demanding the wedding ceremony by 9.30 Christmas night. Bloody hell. Things became complicated as mum and dad's computer was not connected and I had to use a friend's Mac. I cut the ceremony back to very simple and asked Chita what he wanted to say - I do. Easy. Then I tried to email it. It would not work. Boxing day morning and I am hoping for an internet connection. I rang my sisters Polly and Georgy for help but they were not sure why it wasn't working. Polly said she would ring me back after her breakfast only to tell me that she could not help, did not have a car to come round and at that point I was freaking out and thought- Why the bloody hell did you ring me back just to tell me you could not help? I eventually got the wedding ceremony attached and sent. I really did not have time to review so I hope I got it right.
Back to Christmas.... We drove to Lonny to stay at a friend's house. We walked into mum and dad's house and my sister Emma's response was. Mandy he is so handsome. You have given all the single girl's out there - hope.... He was out of earshot and did not hear a thing.
My doubting family who have been secretly thinking that I have been spending all my time and energy on someone who is just using me, were wreathed in smiles and he was polite, well mannered and very attentive with my armchair bound father. He had his first European Christmas - turkey and ham and the strange black pudding which we all love - Christmas pudding. In bed that night, his stomach was experiencing orchestral manouvres in the dark. I was laughing my head off - saying' you have gone from a fish and rice diet to lots of protein and carbs - take it easy!
Boxing day was a picnic in the park and we were meeting friends at Punchbowl reserve. I had bought an inflatable santa suit for my brother to wear. Mum had said -' do you think Chita would wear it?' I replied - a black santa might be a bit much fo4 everybody'. Chita went to the toilets to help my brother Sean put it on. He waddled out with a box of chocolates, I cracked up laughing and kids appeared from everywhere to touch Santa.... 'Very Australian' was Chita's reply.
So now for the wedding. My sister in law texted me on December 27th saying - Prouds is having a %40 discount so we rushed down and tried on silver wedding rings. Cheap and cheerful for us.... my wedding ring was mistaken for white gold, and I said nothing. Then a phone call to a friend for a bunch of flowers, and another friend for the wedding cake. Chita and I went shopping and bought food for the wedding party - I made teriyaki beef skewers, Thai chicken skewers, lemon and oregano squid, and sausage rolls for the kids... Mum and Emma helped with the skewers- a time consuming job. The wedding dress was borrowed from my sister Emma who had bought a fab frock for Derby day. I conveniently had a pair of cream shoes to match.
I asked Emma on Boxing Day if I needed to dry clean the dress and her reply - You should, as I actually slept in it the last time I wore it....
Mary, a very close friend had lent me a gold tiara, a garter and rollers for my homespun hairdo so I was set.
On New Year's Eve my brothers took Chita off my hands. He went with them down to the dog beach to collect stones for a lovo on the cleared back block behind the house. He and Danny then bought enough meat to feed a Fijian village and there were only 30 guests.
Meanwhile I was still in my pyjamas having a coffee and chat to Jen, who decided to get me organised. She rang every beauty salon in Hobart to see if I could get a spray tan. Yes at 11.30- so we zoomed into town, she dropped me off, and I went into the salon in a pair of old tracky daks and a zip up jacket. Jen had told me that I would just walk into a booth and the jets would automatically tan me. No - I was stark naked and the salon assistant sprayed it on me by hand. I had no time for modesty and it was all over in five minutes anyway. However, I could not wash for two hours. Jen's retort - well Chita has kept you waiting sometimes for up to six hours, if you keep him waiting half an hour, that's what's gonna happen.
We decided to go and have a coffee at Jackman and Ross bakery in Battery Point - I was in a no reaction zone, and not stressed at all. I had a coffee and brioche and then we dropped into Tess's house to check up on the cake and her whole family - took one look saying 'Mandy you are getting married in an hour". I was still relaxed. I then decided to ring to check up on the flowers as they had not been dropped off. Gwenyth replied saying ' I hope tomorrow is better weather than today' I gently stressed' Yes, but I am getting married today at 2 pm and not tomorrow'. Gwenyth sprinted off to her mother in law to ask for a quick posy and a lovely bunch of sweet peas and roses appeared.
Now for the hair do. I never wear my hair up. It usually looks terrible as my face is so round. I never wear much make up either. I started putting in rollers and Jen helped. Her brother is a hair dresser so she had a few clues. I had asked my hairdresser in Lonny what to do. Spray each strand with hairspray, roll up and spray some more. Then spray your whole head before you take out the rollers, and repeat when all rollers are removed. Arrange the curls and spray some more. I put on some make up, Jen arranged my hair into curls behind the gold tiara. I slipped on the dress and shoes and felt fabulous. Photos will accompany when I can extricate them from family members.
We headed for Jen's Saab convertible and headed for West Hobart to my brother Daniel and his wife Linda's house. At the bottom of the hill we took the roof off and drove up the roller coaster steep drive way to the house. Everyone came out on the balcony to greet us and I heard Polly saying ' Whose car is that?'.
Everyone gasped and jaws dropped as I emerged from the car in my wedding glory. I know I scrub up well, but it was great to surprise my family like that. I walked inside and upstairs to wait, while Jen rushed in with the wedding song, and the ring cushion for my nephew Joshie.
Sacha Dane my three year old nephew appeared and came upstairs to hold my hand. A few of my nieces and nephews appeared and walked me into the living room which had been cleared and everyone was waiting. I thought I would be really stressed but I wasn't. I was extremely calm. Chita was standing there in a black shirt and blue sulu with a big smile. We stood in front of the marriage celebrant and my chucked together ceremony began.
When my sister Emma read out this poem there was not a dry eye in the house. Even Chita was sniffling and had tears running down his cheeks.
Today by Betrand Russell
Today I marry my friend,
The one I have laughed and cried with
The one I have learned from and shared with
The one I have chosen to support, encourage and give myself to
Through all the days given us to share.
Today I marry the one I love.
We played 'Seasons of Love' from Rent which talks about what happens in the year of a life with friends....
My brother spoke well.. talking about our persistence and patience over the last four years and talked about Chita's commitment to his village and how he has helped with so many community projects...
The rest of the day was a blur - champagne appeared, one of my sister's Trina cooked some of the food I had prepared, Chita took off his sulu, and tied it around his head while preparing the lovo - he had shorts on underneath of course. The kids all surrounded him to help, so he made spears out of wood for them all - a few eyebrows were raised....
The cake was a confection of chocolate mousse, meringue, dark chocolate torte and cream encased in white chocolate fondant in folds - a three tier extravaganza with frosted blueberries and raspberries. I had never seen anything like it. Perfect.
We had lovo for dinner cooked by my brothers, Chita and the kids.... a bit of karaoke, and then we watched the fireworks over the harbour for New Year's eve.
Around 10 pm we drove home to our little flat.
Amanda, can you please make me a toasted sandwich, I did not eat very much today.
He was busy serving everyone else and making sure everyone else was comfortable.
I walked into the bedroom carrying a hot toasted sandwich and Chita was in bed, curled up fast asleep.