Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Drinking to excess!

My family motto is 'too much is not enough for us'. We indulge in good food, good wine, and good company at any opportunity. Fijians take this motto and boy can they stretch it. My first trip to Fiji I bought a bottle of gin duty free and was so exhausted from the overnight flight that I flaked out, while Chita and a friend of his drank the whole bottle on the balcony. He could not figure out why I was upset. It was a gift- no? Yes but I didn't expect you to drink the whole thing in one night.
I took a couple of bottles of red wine on one of my many return voyages and showed Chita how to drink a glass of wine with dinner. See the wanna be Italian just keeps manifesting. He handled it very well.
While we were building the bure, there were plenty of occasions for booze ups. The first being 'putting on the roof'. Chita and a posse of mates, came to our bure in the bush at around 7 pm. I had slaved over the hot open barbecue to cook a meal for approimately 10 quiet Fijian males. Chita had been working hard, hadn't eaten, was absolutely trashed and flaked it while his merry mates kept drinking kava, metho and juice, and bourbon. They stayed and stayed and stayed. Chita staggered outside and passed out. I had to put the hose on him. He then passed out in our bed in the bure surrounded by boozed Fijians. They had all parked their machetes in the thatched wall as they entered and around 3 am I turned the radio off. Clapped my hands together like the primary school teacher I have been, and they all got up, and wandered off. His cousin, asked me for money but I told him to buggar off, in the nicest possible way of course.
I woke up the next day, with the bure looking like a tip and smelling foul and said I was going to Suva, he could come with me, but the bure had better be cleaned up by his friends by the time I got back. Strangely enough it was.
Another horrible day was when I came back from the beach to find a group of fijian males sitting on the mats outside, cracking a slab. I offered to take the children to the beach again to get away from it all.A huge monstrous Fijian guy called Wally came with us, made me stop at the shop to buy drinks for the kids, and when I turned around he had another slab. I didn't know what to do, he is enormous, and drunk. I paid for it in fear. The kids and I stayed at the beach for ages, and came back to a horrible scene. Wally swinging a machete and wanting his wife, who had hidden. I froze. Chita jumped up with another Tamo and got slugged by Wally. I gathered the kids and wives and we went and hid in Chita's bure. I was appalled.
The next day I said to Chita. I am not a open wallet for your friends. I was too scared to say no. Where were you? With a drunken smile, playing guitar and on your own little planet... I was so pissed off.
Since then I have been Madam Tough. I say no to alcohol and no to lollies and chocolates for the kids. Some of the tooth decay emerging in kids who if they ate fruit and local veg and fish would be sparkling.
Last year I stayed at a friend's house up on the hill in Votua. She is a cousin of Chita's who was married to an old man at 17 who died last year. She is a party girl and trashes herself, vomits, keeps drinking and wakes up ready for more. She also does not care when she is drunk, whose boyfriend she cracks onto which has upset the local village enormously. A rumour spread she had an STD and all the village boys rushed to the clinic at Korolevu for a check up.
She steals alcohol. The first time was duty free gin and vodka I had put in Victor's fridge. He lives further up the hill. He was peeved off when he found she had broken into his house on a binge session and drunk it all. Victor and I have 1-2 gin and tonics a night, or a daiquiri every now and again, and 2 litres lasts until my next visit.
She blew her bridges with me, when she stole a bottle of red wine I had bought in Suva from one of the department stores, beautifully wrapped and ready to give to my love. It was nowhere to be found.
I have learnt to lock up the booze. I dispense it in small amounts or give it to Victor for save keeping. Chita is semi-responsible, but if they have had a kava session and he wants a better taste in his mouth he will come begging for alcohol.

I had the worst experience out,at one of Kalara's parties. Chita and I usually go to bed around 11 and sleep through the non stop disco. I woke up to a rewind of one song at least forty times. I walked out, and spotted Kalara with vomit down her t-shirt, and nothing except undies,sculling vodka she had stolen from Victor. I walked into the living room to find a big Fijian girl passed out, vomiting onto the carpet, and another young guy with his cracked open, where he had hit it on the wall, and fallen to the floor - an impressive pool of blood around his head. I screamed for Chita who went up the hill to get Joe. The two of them dragged out the whole motley crew and turned the hose on them all. The big girl went into the bathroom, and locked herself in. Chita did the bravest thing out, and went in to retrieve her. She had vomited and crapped everywhere- the smell was overpowering. In fact Chita would us Victor's bathroom up the hill for the remainder of our stay, rather than go back in there and revisit.
I have to say Fijians and alcohol do not mix. Kava is the next narcotic to deal with. A kava session, while riveting for a Fijian, is a most uneventful event for a European woman who doesn't drink the stuff. You could join them and end up in the same comatose state, but I have a 2-3 kava bowl limit. I only drink it at proper times not at a grog session. I don't need kava to relax. Five hours watching big Fijian men drinking kava, their eyes going bloodshot, their heads disappearing into their laps is not my idea of fun. They don't eat until after the kava session, so food is usually cold. I now don't bother cooking.
The next day, a kava headache manifests and Fijian men get very grumpy. It the time when wives get bashed and children run away. I know I am sounding cynical, but I am also a realist. I have argued so many times with Chita that kava is not essential to his life; but to a Fijian it is - its a necessary pastime.
I think having a health scare a few years ago has stopped me drinking. I can't drink much. I just don't get into it. Eating is more my thing, as my waist line can attest.
So don't be afraid to say 'No' Fijian men can handle it.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Fijian Men

Have had lots of emails and phone calls about Fijian men and how they relate to European women ( us). Its been a voyage of discovery for me, and things I thought were shared amongst all cultures are not. I have had many misunderstandings.
Meet a Fijian man and he will be friendly, open, generous and ask you out. He will even give you either his post box number or a phone number depending on his employability status. My partner lives on the Coral Coast where there are a large number of resorts which employ Fijians for a pittance, lay them off whenever there is no work, give them no superannuation, sick leave, and usually work hours are unspecified ( ie slavery). The average salary at a resort is $80 per week and how much is it that you said you were paying for your resort? Ah yes, between $250 - 550 per night. MMM who is making money out of that? International investors of course.
Step outside a resort and visitors are shocked by the poverty. What is poverty? In Western eyes its financial success and all the consumables attached. To a Fijian, if there is food, a roof over your head, working with your mates, and family support - your life is good.
There is a growing number of young guys who work in the resorts who have copied the Fijian Indian males, and are looking for a European mate, to give them a good life. What that actually is for them, is unclear, but it must be better than being in Fiji.
Fijian men are unsophisticated, happy, friendly,with great abs but not much idea of love making. Had a chat to a Fijian girl, who says that even she finds Fijian men boring, as its all over so quickly and where was the foreplay. If you want a Fijian male, you are going to have to take him by the hand and show him the ropes. If he has had many European partners, someone else might have done the job for you.
In public, Fijian men are not intimate. There will be little or no hand holding, no kissing and hugging in public. Chita saw me off at the airport (a year after we started seeing each other mind you) and shook my hand saying 'Goodbye Miss Amanda Sutton!' I was flabbergasted. He now hugs me, and I usually kiss him, and he feigns indifference.
If I am in the village, I have to cover my arms, and legs, not walk through the main village green, enter the house by the back door, do not sit opposite an open doorway with my legs crossed ( hussy behaviour) and sit with the women when there is a family meeting. Do not sit beside the head of the family, always sit below.
When Chita is in the shop and noone is around I can be affectionate but when a group of local boys walk past coming back from the farm - its separate instantly. Its weird, but that's the way it is.
Phone ettiquette is another issue. A friend of mine wanted her Fijian boyfriend to do what a lover back at home would do - and ring daily and text as many times as they could. A Fijian with a phone,has either pinched it, been given it or worked hard for it. They cannot afford to buy lots of credit- maybe $15- 25 if they are lucky. If you ring and a woman answers the phone - yes it could be his wife, but it could also be his sister,mother or family member who has heard it ringing.
Fijian men are not good letter writers.... so give up there. You will have to ring them and maintain the relationship.
Because of the Fijian share and care mentality - they will ask you for monetary help. They could potentially ask you for anything. Chita's cousin asked me to buy him a boat....Fijians usually don't expect things, but if they ask they think that they may be lucky and you might give it to them. In Fijian culture certain family members can ask other family members for things, and they must be given. I am really good at saying no. If you want to pay an electricity bill or a water bill, or buy groceries - you can but don't think that you have to keep doing it; other family members will pitch in. When Chita's mum's electricity was cut off, and there was no one to pay the reconnection - I did it so that we could have light. However, the boys in the family take turns to pay for power.
Fijian men are not used to forward, vocal demanding European women (us) fijian girls say 'yes' to a man and do whatever they ask. Chita told me he found Fijian girls boring as there were no surprises. What about me I ask? I never know how you are going to react.
Fijian macho male behaviour comes through occasionally and they don't like it when we stand up to them but that's the way its got to be. Chita used to disappear on me, sometimes for hours, when we had a fight and then come back and check my face, to see if it was safe to be in the same room as me (wimp).
I have been supporting my partner for three and a half years. He has applied for three visas- a short term business visa, a rugby team visa and a short term visitor
s visa - all have been rejected. It seems that since the sixties Pacific islanders have a bad reputation for visa overstaying - coming from a culture where time has no meaning I can understand why but it seems that all young Fijian males between 20-45 have great difficulty getting to Australia.
I did not mean to meet someone from an island, which cannot come to Australia. Its been tough. I spent September last year, crying and dribbling to Chita that I didn't think I could mentally cope with the waiting. The effort to collect documentation, submitting the visa and then waiting - who knows how long - for him to get a prospective spouse visa. Only two chances in five years so I have paid a whole heap of money to an immigration agent who has waited patiently for me to do all the work... I picked the wrong job.
I love Chita - coming to Australia will be a huge challenge without the village, without his boys club, but with freedom to choose. Will he go overboard? Will he choose the middle way as buddha would say? I do not know.
Life as a couple in Fiji - is living separate lives - which I cannot do. Life as a couple in Australia could be a voyage of discovery.... lots of adventures, lots of good loving with no villager to listen, and lots of intimacy I hope.
Drinking is an issue I will bring up in my next blog.... there are no limits is all I will say for now...